If it weren’t for the cancer part, I could probably get into this whole wig thing with a sort of Cindy Sherman approach.

There are endless reasons to think about gender and performance and its construction throughout breast cancer and its treatment, and every single day when I figure out what the heck is going to go on my head — short hair? a hat? long hair? — or have to take a few minutes to draw in eyebrows, there are at least 5-10 minutes I’m mulling all of that stuff over.

And there are, of course, lots of opportunities to think about ability/disability and those things which are temporary vs. more longterm. There are ways to put my own experience within a larger context that acknowledges how lucky I am in so many ways.

And yet, there are still moments, hours, and days, when I still get stuck in thinking “yeah, this sucks.”

And I know it will suck less soon — I’m less than 2 weeks from my last radiation session. But at the moment, I’m worn out. I’m glad it’s the weekend, because at least I don’t feel like I should be doing more things I don’t have the energy to do, and I get a two-day break from the radiation table.

photo: Untitled #88. 1981, Cindy Sherman


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